ALL ABOUT CATS

ALL ABOUT CATS

The best I know, I have never owned a cat.

Cats were designed to live in barns and chase 

mice. And being as I have never had a barn, 

there was no need of a cat.

However,

my wife is not aware of the intended place of 

cats in the scheme of things.  So she brought a

 cat(s) into the house, many, many, many years

 ago.  Hence my knowledge of cats comes from 

far too many years of observation at too close a

range, with several cats.

So, I thought I would share with you the main 

driving forces that cats demonstrate.  You may

 call them attributes if you want. But I would choose 

another description.  These are the things that

the books will not tell you about, but are the very

 essence of a cat's life.

1.

Cats will get in your way.  That is their way of life.
 Cats will go out of their way to get into your way.
If they can they will trip you when you come through
the door.  When they hear you stirring around, they
will come and sit in the doorway on purpose.
If that does not trip you, they will run ahead of you,
 the direction they think you are going to go,
just to make you stumble on them.

Cats will hang around your feet in an effort to keep
you from putting on your shoes.  Cats will get in a
chair ahead of you just so you cannot sit down.
Cats will get into any box or suitcase you
are trying to load - just to be in the way.

CATS WILL GET IN YOUR WAY.

2.

If a cat cannot get in your way their second trick is to 

catch you at the table eating, or just having a cup 

of coffee and a cookie.  Then instead of going out 

into the hallway, or another room, come and

 PUKE in front of you.  Yes, puke as in vomit, 

throw up or regurgitate .

If they cannot puke in front of you when you are 

eating, they will hunt up their litter box and do their 

stuff in the box, while you are trying to eat, just to 

enhance your appetite.  (Or perhaps diet.)

CATS WILL PUKE WHILE YOU ARE EATING.

3.

"What the cat hair?"

That is an expression I have not hear in years.

Even then, I am not sure what it meant.

But if you have a cat, 

you can be sure that there will be cat hair 

EVERYWHERE.

Under the chairs.  On the chairs.  On the table.  On

 the counter.  In every room the cat has access to.

Even your lap - until you train it to stay off.

CATS WILL SHED EVERYWHERE.

4.

Cats scratch.

See that picture above.

It was an expensive couch, sofa, divan.

One of those neat ones that had a bed hidden in it.

Now it is on the trash pile, as you can see,

because cats scratch.

Cats scratch everything.  Even you.

CATS WILL SCRATCH UP EVERYTHING.

See those white feet?

That cat's name is (was) socks because of those 

white feet.  That would be the name on the birth 

certificate, if cats are actually born and have

 birth a certificate.

(Maybe they just happen.)

But very shortly,

the cat's name was changed to "HELLION".

a name which sticks to it to this day.

Now if these cat characteristics appeal to you,

by all means rush down to the animal shelter and

 get a cat.  In fact, get several.  Pass them out to 

your friends too.