ALL ABOUT CATS
The best I know, I have never owned a cat.
Cats were designed to live in barns and chase
mice. And being as I have never had a barn,
there was no need of a cat.
my wife is not aware of the intended place of
cats in the scheme of things. So she brought a
cat(s) into the house, many, many, many years
ago. Hence my knowledge of cats comes from
far too many years of observation at too close a
range, with several cats.
So, I thought I would share with you the main
driving forces that cats demonstrate. You may
call them attributes if you want. But I would choose
another description. These are the things that
the books will not tell you about, but are the very
essence of a cat's life.
Cats will get in your way. That is their way of life.
Cats will go out of their way to get into your way.
If they can they will trip you when you come through
the door. When they hear you stirring around, they
will come and sit in the doorway on purpose.
If that does not trip you, they will run ahead of you,
the direction they think you are going to go,
just to make you stumble on them.
Cats will hang around your feet in an effort to keep
you from putting on your shoes. Cats will get in a
chair ahead of you just so you cannot sit down.
Cats will get into any box or suitcase you
are trying to load - just to be in the way.
CATS WILL GET IN YOUR WAY.
If a cat cannot get in your way their second trick is to
catch you at the table eating, or just having a cup
of coffee and a cookie. Then instead of going out
into the hallway, or another room, come and
PUKE in front of you. Yes, puke as in vomit,
throw up or regurgitate .
If they cannot puke in front of you when you are
eating, they will hunt up their litter box and do their
stuff in the box, while you are trying to eat, just to
enhance your appetite. (Or perhaps diet.)
CATS WILL PUKE WHILE YOU ARE EATING.
"What the cat hair?"
That is an expression I have not hear in years.
Even then, I am not sure what it meant.
But if you have a cat,
you can be sure that there will be cat hair
Under the chairs. On the chairs. On the table. On
the counter. In every room the cat has access to.
Even your lap - until you train it to stay off.
CATS WILL SHED EVERYWHERE.
See that picture above.
It was an expensive couch, sofa, divan.
One of those neat ones that had a bed hidden in it.
Now it is on the trash pile, as you can see,
because cats scratch.
Cats scratch everything. Even you.
CATS WILL SCRATCH UP EVERYTHING.
See those white feet?
That cat's name is (was) socks because of those
white feet. That would be the name on the birth
certificate, if cats are actually born and have
birth a certificate.
(Maybe they just happen.)
But very shortly,
the cat's name was changed to "HELLION".
a name which sticks to it to this day.
Now if these cat characteristics appeal to you,
by all means rush down to the animal shelter and
get a cat. In fact, get several. Pass them out to
your friends too.